The art of having difficult conversations – part 3

Welcome to the final part of our series of how to have difficult conversations. There is definitely an art to having them. That’s why we explored the Prepartion in Part 1, and the Act of Having the Consersation in Part 2. Part 3 is dedicated to the aftermath.

You’ve had the conversation you needed to have. What should happen next?

What should happen after the conversation

The conversation is likely to have been energy-draining – for all participants. Take a moment to reflect on how it went: did you achieve what you wanted?; did the preparation you had done help and was it sufficient?; what have you learned through this conversation?

After the conversation there are some standard steps to take, no matter what the difficult conversation was about. They are:

• Document the conversation; it doesn’t have to be word by word. A high level summary is sufficient. It shows you paid attention to what was said and agreed on.
• Share the documented conversation with the person you have spoken with. Don’t be offended if they come back with ‘that’s not what I said’ – clarify their recollection of the particular point; don’t forget to include a Thank You in this email – “Thank you for your time and attention” goes a long way.
• Follow up on any actions that you both have agreed on.

The follow up actions may range from speaking with other people to obtain further information, setting up a follow up to the conversation you’ve had, to setting up a tracker of sorts to capture evidence of whatever actions you’ve discussed.

Whatever the follow up action is make sure that you uphold your promise. Why?

Photo by Kaja Kadlecova on Unsplash

Why you should have a follow up to a difficult conversation

“Ok, so my team leader had the conversatio with me, …. and now what?” This is what is likely to go through your team member’s mind after you’ve had your chat.

Why should you follow up?

• to provide a closure to the conversation
• to action on any next steps that you’ve agreed on
• to show that the conversation wasn’t simply a usual chat

Following up in any situation shows your consistency and integrity. You show that you are reliable and trust-worthy. It also gives the team around you an example to follow. And all that is great for the team morale and trust.

The follow up is particularly important when it comes to difficult conversations. By carrying it out, you show respect to the persons(s) you involved in the discussion, you show consistency, and that you are reliable.

Even more importantly, you show the person you had the conversation with that you took the matter and the chat seriously. It wasn’t just for show. It wasn’t to pry some information out of them. The aim was to understand the situation and act on the information you’ve learned about.

Once you show that you take such situations seriously, other people will be more willing to be involved in them with you in the future.

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I hope this 3-part series to having difficult conversations is useful. Keen to hear how you handle such situations as a leader – let me know in the comments!

Feature image by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash